I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
