she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
