The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
