rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize