Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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