im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
