that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
