You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When are your genitals available?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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