i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
