oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
