He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
