If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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