it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
