i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
