3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
