I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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