I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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