i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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