You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
