just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
