Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
