My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
