When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize