I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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