Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
