Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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