I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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