dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
