Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Randomize
