We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
