home. puking in laundry basket.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
