my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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