Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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