I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
