Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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