Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
