She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
