Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
