My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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