Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
