I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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