Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
not ubering you a puppy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
