she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
