I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize