i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
