why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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