we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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