so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
