I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
