opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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