Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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