Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
