Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
