Swine flu. Run for my life!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
