You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
