The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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