Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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