You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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