***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
