this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
