sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
