i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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