Pappa wants mamma naked
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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