I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
