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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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