Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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