that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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