My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
two words...techno handjob
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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