I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
