i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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