Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
