Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
