a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
