I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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